The Caretaker

Deal Score0
Deal Score0

  • Teen Comedy Horror

Product Description
This classic teen scream hosts an ensemble cast of ridiculously good looking kids and is spiced with an outlandish teacher (Jennifer Tilly) obsessed with getting famous by sleeping with a student and an over-protective father (Judd Nelson). Jonathan Breck (Jeepers Creepers) gives a delightfully creepy performance as the crazy Limo Driver and Jim Lang (John Carpenters Mouth of Madness, Body Bags) delivers an original score sure to make you jump out of your seat…. More >>

The Caretaker

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  1. This is a short film, only an hour and 17 minutes (not including credits).

    It’s a tame horror film, little gore. And unoriginal. Highly unoriginal.

    Teens meet at a dance on Halloween night. The guys take the girls to an abandoned farmhouse, where they’d planned to scare the girls. But it turns out their “scary story” of an insane caretaker is real, and the caretaker choses that night to return, and, well, the body count mounts.

    No, it’s not gory. Neither is it funny.

    I suspect THE CARETAKER may be intentionally unoriginal, as it claims to be a “camp” satire of horror films. I think it’s trying to satirize horror film clichés.

    Bad choice. This film is not funny.

    These horror film clichés were old when SCREAM attempted to satirize them in 1996 (although SCREAM had tons more energy than THE CARETAKER). These clichés had already been targeted by such 1980s horror film satires as STUDENT BODIES and SATURDAY THE 14th.

    There’s nothing left for THE CARETAKER to satirize. Its humor is so old, I couldn’t find any attempted jokes until nearly an hour into the film, when the Jennifer Tilly character started talking extremely idiotically.

    I suspect (I’m guessing here) that the “jokes” are supposed to be that the characters (mostly teenagers) are so stupid. But many horror films are already so full of stupid teenagers, that “satirizing” stupid teenagers becomes difficult. THE CARETAKER’S stupid teenagers aren’t really any dumber than typical horror films’ teenagers.

    There’s nothing new in THE CARETAKER, either as a “camp” satire or as a legitimate horror film.

    Mostly, I was bored. At its best moments, THE CARETAKER is an okay film.

    Very low budget. Only four locations. Most of it was shot at and around the farmhouse (a few rooms and a field). And outside a Halloween party (which was indoors, so that we couldn’t see the party). And in a girl’s bedroom. And a room in a gym.

    Bland cast, blandly good-looking (not “ridiculously good looking” as the DVD box says), bland acting. And bland, flat writing.

    Jennifer Tilly plays a truly dummied down character, so that she just mugs for the camera, no real acting. Judd Nelson has a few minutes of screen time in a cameo.

    The other Amazon reviewer (I’m only the second one, so far), who praised THE CARETAKER, has not reviewed anything else on Amazon. I’m guessing we may be in for an avalanche of fake reviews…
    Rating: 2 / 5

  2. I am by all accounts a complete horror fanatic, with my roots heavily planted in the golden age of the 80’s slasher. “The Caretaker” should be a relief to those who share my same interests in horror; if only for the fact that it’s not a remake of an old slasher, it’s not a lesser remake of a foreign film, and it’s not a sequel (anyone who has seen “Hatchet” can tell where I’m going here). Lately there have been so many attempts at reinventing the genre that end up being huge misses (see every Platinum Dunes remake), so to see a production that sticks true to the formula no matter what the purposed backlash will be is good enough for me. You get all the sleazy and corny comedy one would expect in from the subgenre and although the death scenes aren’t gory, there’s still blood and there’s still a nice sized body count thanks to our maniacally jealous murderer. Jennifer Tilly shows up as an overbearing and oddly motivated school teacher overseeing the prom that our doomed kids are heading to. We are also treated to a few pop ins from Judd Nelson and Jonathan Breck (the Creeper himself). Of course our core group of high school victims is made up of mostly unknown faces, not unlike any of the old straight to VHS wonders of the 80’s. The guys are pleasantly hackable, and the girls are pleasantly hot, especially Lola Davidson as “Missy” and our heroine Kira Verrastro as “Ella.” It doesn’t take long for our victim kids to make it from prom to a notoriously haunted house out in an orchard which is when their fun ends, and our fun begins. There’s dumb kids, oddball adults, absurd decision making, hot girls, cheesy comedy, plenty of deaths, a masked murderer, Jennifer Tilly’s cleavage and glow in the dark boobs. Yes, glow in the dark boobs. So if you’re a gore hound or a horror elitist then “The Caretaker” is a good one to show your preppy girlfriend that can’t take blood and guts. However, if you’re looking for an excuse to dive back into the formulaic slasher of the 80’s that you used to rent on VHS over the weekends then you should check this out.
    Rating: 4 / 5

  3. Thouroughly enjoyed this film! The acting and directing was superb, would highly recommend watching. The suspense was unambiguous from the start, culminating in a riveting ending. Look forward to another endeavor of the undoubtedly very talented film crew.
    Rating: 5 / 5

  4. This was a very boring movie. It was a typical horror comedy except for one thing, the acting was below a B movie. The kill scenes were not good either. I guess the budget wouldn’t allow fake blood. Save your money!
    Rating: 2 / 5

  5. Humor: 3

    Blood: 2

    Nudity: 2

    Minutes FF’ed thru: none

    Overall rating: 3.5

    Memorable quotes:

    “Derrik, look, boob-o-lanterns.”

    Instead of going to the Halloween dance, Topher, Snail, and Ricky take the ladies (Ella, Chloe, and Sonya) to an abandoned house where The Caretaker once lived. They tell the story of an obsessively jealous man, who locked up his wife, and after she birthed their child, he killed her. An innocent plan to scare the girls goes awry, when they find their limo driver dead, stumble upon another dead dude in the house, and then they start getting plinked off one by one.

    Miss Perry (Jennifer Tilly), a teacher from the school, shows up and further confirms the truth of the story, but has her own agenda and tries to seduce Topher, who gets whacked before she can finish.

    One by one, they meet the wrath of The Caretaker’s weapon, a metal fruit picker. The only one left standing is Ella, the new girl in town, who’s picked up by her father (Judd Nelson), but what becomes of The Caretaker?

    Hot chicks, a little nudity, a maniac killer, and Jennifer Tilly and her cleavage, need I say more? Although the kills were pretty lame, and the murder weapon even lamer (but original), this was a decent movie. It’s one that appeals to a wide audience, zoning in on the teen horror fan (although it has an R-rating), as the blood and gore are fairly tame, the storyline is relatable (teen stereotypes and antics), and it’s packed with good looking young actors. But, me being the analytical movie watcher I am, I didn’t quite understand The Caretaker’s motivation to kill, was he just a psychopath who couldn’t control his obsession, or simply just the bad grapefruit of the bunch?

    It’s a film I’d watch again, and maybe another viewing will bring more to light. I would’ve liked to have seen some special features offered, maybe an interview with Jenn and Judd or some outtakes, and also a chapter selection, but outside of the language selections, this was a bare-bones DVD.

    For more reviews, see
    Rating: 3 / 5

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