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  1. The movie starts off pretty quick. If your looking for Audrina Patridge then don’t blink. She does what she does best: laying on her back, saying little, pretending she’s dead, all for a big paycheck. Her cameo last all but less then fifteen minutes. Sorority sisters prank a brother of there sisters into thinking he slipped a girl a roofie and about to get lucky, but she pretends she’s dying and they drag her to the middle of nowhere. The brother really kills the girl and after much arguing and wasting of time, they dump her in the abandoned mine shaft. It’s been done before but then the movie just does a 360 and turns into a boring, lifeless film. No suspense was given and the kills were good but cut. Cut? Well, if you want to see them go extra bloody wait till the dvd is released in unrated, too scary for theatre version! The movie took way to long I thought and the ending was just plain confusing and stupid. They added so many possibilties but it all failed in a jumble mess. The ending spelled a sequel, which i’m not really anticipating.

    While it’s not the worst horror remake ever made, it was the most boring remake i’ve ever witnessed. It could have been PG-13 if they cut down the laungage.
    Rating: 2 / 5

  2. I thought this was a really good horror/slasher film. As I watched this, I was reminded of the classic slasher films of the 80’s and 90’s! I loved the killer’s outfit, it was really creepy and I loved the pimped out lug wrench that the killer uses. Rumer Willis did an awesome job as Ellie, and was the only girl I wanted to survive. At a party held at the Theta Pi house, Jessica, Cassidy, Ellie, Claire, Chugs and Megan play a prank on Megan’s boyfriend, Garrett. When the prank goes too far, Megan ends up dead and the girls throw her body in an old mineshaft, and swear never to speak of it again.

    Eight months later on graduation day, someone wearing a black hooded robe comes to kill off all the girls who knew one at a time. During the graduation party is when things really begin to cook. Could it be Megan coming back for revenge? Or someone who can’t live with the secret anymore? I highly recommend SORORITY ROW!!!
    Rating: 5 / 5

  3. Rumor Willis is trapped in a room, there is a killer downstairs just waiting to murder her and her malicious friends. She looks around her dark dormitory and says to herself “I need to do something!” So she runs to the nearby closet and hides behind a bunch of clothes with the closet doors wide open, While half of her body is left sticking out like a sore thumb. This hilarious scene should give you some idea of what to expect from Sorority Row .

    It’s the end of senior year for the girls of theta pi: Jessica (Pipes), Cassidy (Evigan), Ellie (Willis), Claire (Chung), “Chugs” (Harshman), and Megan (Patridge). They all say they’re close friends and sisters, but then again so did the girls from Heathers. We find out early on each of these young women are frankly put “bitches”. They talk behind each others backs, play evil pranks, and belive me trust is a far throw away. In an early scene they stand in a circle and toast one another. “Claire I became friends with you, so I wouldn’t have to do anything to be multi-cultural” says Jessica to her asian sister. This brings up the age old question: Who does need friends when you have enemies?

    As you’ve probably seen from the all-to-revealing trailer, you know that their pranks go to far. And that’s an understatement. They basically kill their so called friend and throw her down a mineshaft. So much for sisterhood. The first 30 minutes are an exact rip off of “I know what you did last summer.” We’ve seen it all before, the girls stand around the body screaming at each other: “Maybe we should call the police!!!”, “This was a mistake, let’s dump the body, no one will ever know!”. One even says:” If she(the dead girl) was us, she wouldn’t want us to throw our lives away by turning ourselves in.” BULL S***! After that painfully cliche scene, months go by and of course a mysterious killer lurks in the distance.

    The killer begins to knock them off like flys. If you didn’t guess it yet, none of these girls have ever seen a horror movie before. You know there is a killer around, when a girl is all alone and she says “Hello? Hello? Is that you frank? Is there anybody there?” This one line is repeated at nauseum, usually while the victims are walking as slow as freaking possible down a dark hallway! Some of these deaths are a little bit clever,like the bottle scene, but most are extremely dull. If you’ve seen one person get a tire iron shoved through their head, you’ve seen them all.

    Honestly It’s amazing to me that these girls passed college, because none of them have a brain cell stuck in there head. When Claire goes off by herself, Ellie and Cass try to stop her, her reply “Don’t worry I have a flare gun!”

    The one saving grace is Jessica(Leah Pipes) she plays a great b—h, very reminiscent of SMG in cruel intentions. In one scene she and another sister hide in a bathroom. Jessica opens the shower curtain(for some unknown reason), a corpse lies in side, Jessica blurts out “Oh my god she looks horrible!” In another She sees a dead body upstairs with a weapon still stuck in his/her body “Oh god the killer pimped that tire iron out!” I’m sorry if these are coming out as spoilers, but trust me there are so many things to laugh at in Sorority Row I can’t name them all.

    Alas the last 20 minutes are your typical horror fare, like the first 60. A bunch of people making stupid choices over and over. I swear the heroine gets 10 billion chances to kill the killer, but just keeps on putting the knife down and walking away. Not thinking that the monster will get back up and follow her. That might’ve been scary 30 years ago in Halloween, but now it just looks retarded. You really think hitting him over the head with a plastic lamp will kill him?

    In the end I really wished they had tried to make this more of a dark comedy, in the spirit of heathers. Rather then pass it off as a serious horror film, which it certainly isn’t. Either or, if you want to see it, see it in a packed theater. It’s definitly one of those flicks where the audience can be as entertaining as the movie. At the showing I went to, people were laughing, screaming, and yelling at the screen “Girl stop talking and kill that MOFO!” You definitly won’t get any scares from Row, but you will have a good time.
    Rating: 3 / 5

  4. Over the past decade, this business of remaking(or ‘reimagining’or whatever you choose to call it) old slasher films seems to have taken on a life of its own. The results have been mixed. You get some, like ‘When A Stranger Calls’, that eliminate most of the overt violence to secure a PG-13 rating. Then you get others, as in ‘Black Christmas’, who get a bit carried away in the opposite direction. (The Black Christmas remake basically centers around a big retarded girl who likes to pluck out people’s eyeballs and gobble them up.)The remake of ‘Prom Night’ features what is, perhaps, the least intimidating killer in cinematic history.

    Of course, I ruled out any of the Halloween remakes as soon as I learned they were proceeding to replace Donald Pleasence. For me, this is slasher heresy, and cannot be forgiven.

    Having said this, I think that ‘Sorority Row’ is easily the best of the remakes that I’ve seen. It stays true to the traditions of its genre. You get most of the conventional elements-the earlier, precipitating event, the mysterious killer, the reasonable body count, an enclosed, intimate location for the killer to operate. And, of course, you get boatloads of extremely unsympathetic young people for the killer to vent his frustrations upon.

    In fact, I don’t know if I liked anybody in this movie. Not exactly the kind of death scenes that will put a lump in anybody’s throat.

    If I had to voice a complaint, it would center around the excessive number of party scenes. Now, I know that, when a movie has the word ‘sorority’ in the title, you can anticipate seeing a lot of spoiled rich kids drinking and fornicating. However, once you establish that a party is in progress, that’s about as far as you can take that idea. It winds up detracting from the movie.

    They could have squeezed in at least 2 more kills if not for all the drunken gyrating.

    All in all, though, this film is a breath of fresh air. What I mean by that is, it is advertised as a slasher film, and that’s what you get. Very much a throwback to the classics from the 80’s. For all practical purposes, this is a traditional slasher movie. Whether that is a good thing, of course, is all in the eye of the beholder.
    Rating: 4 / 5

  5. I think this movie had much more potential. Especially when it comes to how the actresses were utilized. It just felt miscast. Rumor Willis ruins every scene she is in, and the fact that she survives the movie is grating. Suspense was not there, the chase scenes were too short, and in some cases there was no chasing at all. Jamie Chung’s death could have been so much better, I thought she would have gone out fighting. Audrina Partridge was much better than expected and should have not been the victim of the prank, it should have been the one who played the drunk. And the identity of the killer/motive is ludicrous. I guess I just thought there was more potential for this movie.
    Rating: 2 / 5

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